There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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