So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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