I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
