remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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