nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
