just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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