its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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