Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My feet surprised me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
