Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You made out with two different species that night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
