Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
