singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
