There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
