dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
