You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
