guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
