put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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