My first STD was from a foam party
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
