Plan B is the new Plan A
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
