Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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