I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
