I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
