He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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