What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
