I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
