He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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