I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
