i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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