Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
