I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
