apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
