She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
