he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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