saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
