Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
