it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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