Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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