its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
