my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
