Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
