So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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