We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
