peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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