I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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