I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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