ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
