Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
