Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
