wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
