I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
