I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
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2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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