Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
