Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
