I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
