sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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