it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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