mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
