Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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