I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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