it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
