ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
