Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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