Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
