i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize