it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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