And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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