Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
