I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
