i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
