how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
