why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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