I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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