you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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