just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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