So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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