Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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