Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
